Everything is, in fact, not bigger in Texas.

When last we met, I mentioned that I was chased by a large, enraged Anthidium florentinum. As you no doubt know (or googled and found out) Anthidium florentinum is more commonly known as a bee.

Allow me to set the scene:
It was a hellishly hot early afternoon. I had just turned in applications at a few downtown businesses and decided to sit on a bench in the shade (which provides a huge relief when the humidity isn't at walking-through-a-sauna%), sip some of my water, collect my thoughts, and try to come up with some intriguing (read: not completely boring) ideas for all the lovely readers I have. There are dozens of you out there, I'm sure. Bakers Dozens, even!! Anyway, I was sitting there minding my own business when I swatted away what I thought was a fly.
It was no fly, readers. No. It was, in fact, a bee. Perhaps it was a happy bee before it came across me, in fact I like to think it was just enjoying its day, doing bee things - buzzing about, stopping here and there to eat, and mentally choreographing its latest routine to show its bee friends how to get to a haven of sweet flower blossoms just filled with tasty noms (see photo at left). And then it happened across me. I swatted at it, not knowing what it was. It was slightly perturbed. It came back at me, enforcing its dominance in the surrounding airspace, letting me know it was the boss. I, even more annoyed, swatted at it a few times with my hand. The bee, now pissed off, easily avoided my measly human attempts to strike it out of the air, flew above me, and then divebombed me. I heard the buzz of his wings and felt the air on my face as he whizzed within mere centimeters of my face. At this point, readers, I knew what I had to do. I used the notebook I had previously been using to record my bloggy musings to swing at the bee one last time before swiftly standing up and quickly stepping away hoping to lose the little bastard while he regained his bearings. I triumphantly walked away thinking the interaction had ended.
Dear readers, I only wish that my tale ended there. As you may have guessed, it did not. The bee was now enraged and in full attack mode. It was now divebombing me ferociously and repeatedly as I swung my arms about and spun in circles in what I'm sure passersby thought to be a rather poor, but amusing, attempt at creating a new dance to the music in my head. At this point, terrified of the berserk bee, I started jogging away while continuing the insane arm flailing. I sped down the block, around the corner, and was halfway down the next block before I realized that I had outrun the bee and was no longer in any danger. I suppose at this point I should point out that I am not in any way allergic to bee stings. I also have been stung by a bee before. And it didn't hurt that bad. Nevertheless, when confronted with an angry wild animal, I respond the same way anyone else would. Fight or flight kicks in and I start with the fight, feeling totally superior to those lower than me on the food chain, and then freak out when I realize I'm outmatched and run like the wind.

After realizing I was no longer fending off local fauna, I slowed to a stroll to catch my breath and slow my heart rate. I continued walking toward the corner of 2nd and Colorado when a large blueish object caught my eye. I at first thought that I had suffered some sort of a mental episode as I told myself that there was no way I was actually looking at Babe the Big Blue Ox. It just didn't make sense. Paul Bunyan was nowhere to be seen. And as large as the man was said to be, if I couldn't see him, he was probably nowhere nearby. As I walked closer, I realized that I was, in fact, not crazy and not seeing things. It was indeed a large blue, and yellow I now noticed, cow. But not just blue, it had been painted all over with flowers and landscapes and I realized that Austin, like so many other American cities, had at some point coerced its local denizens into turning lifesize plaster animals into street art.

Following the cow's gaze, I looked across the street and noticed a bright green building occupying the corner lot and extending about half a block along both 2nd and Colorado Streets and rising 2 stories. At first, I was kind of excited. Any building this bright and occupying such a footprint of prime, downtown real estate surely had to be housing some awesome, new restaurant or club. Or maybe it was some sort of modern architecture housing the chicest new condos to be had in Austin. Sadly, as I am neither a sniveling snot factory, nor did I contribute in any way, shape or form to the creation of one, I was amazingly disappointed at what stood before me. A Children's Museum. I can only imagine the horrors housed within. Exhibits mounted thigh-high and decorated in bright colors and crazy shapes and patterns, now dirty and all sticky with whatever it is that makes the hands of snot factories sticky. Wretched, simplistic videos and songs playing on repeat to throngs of the minivan drivers and their spawn. I didn't understand what the appeal could even be. In Indiana, the Children's Museum is an enormous monstrosity that can be full of people and still seem sparsely populated. It is very large, has insane amounts of natural light from the acres of windows, is many stories high, and has a dinosaur standing on its back two legs sticking it's head into the top of the museum while another dinosaur appears to be falling into the building. Austin, capital of the state which prides itself on having bigger everything, had this:

Quaint, isn't it?

And that, dear readers, is how I came to the sad conclusion that everything is, in fact, NOT bigger in Texas.

Next time, I shall regale you all with a tale of the common grackle - Austin's answer to the pigeon.

I would walk 500 miles...

If it would help me get a job, I would actually walk 500 miles. As it is, I feel as if I've walked 50 so far this week. So far, I've explored downtown, 6th St., S. Lamar, and S. Congress neighborhoods. I have put in applications all over, and turned in some online as well. Hopefully by this time next week, I'll be happily employed. Hell, I'd settle for unhappily employed just to have some money coming in.

There have been some great things about wandering around Austin.

1) Believe it or not, and I know many people will not believe this as I did not believe my own eyes at first, I am getting tan. Well, tan for me. Unfortunately, it's not a sexy beach tan. It's more of a farmer's tan with flip flop lines on my feet. STILL, I'm no longer completely, blindingly white. So YAY for me!

2) There are some really interesting people in Austin. Both interesting in the "I think they're cool and wouldn't mind getting to know them" way and in the "wow. just wow. did anyone else see that? cuz...wow." way. For instance, while wandering around 6th Street, I was walking toward Book People (what can I say, I'm a sucker for a good book store) when a maniac on a bike zoomed past me in the parking lot. The lot was nearly empty, yet he was so close I could've shoved a stick in his wheel spokes as he rode by without stretching to do so. Not that I would ever do something like that. I'm a good person. Really. Also, I didn't have a stick. In any case, I noticed something as he coasted by. He lacked a chain on his bike connecting the pedals to the back tire. I was very confused. The parking lot did have a slight incline, but was nowhere near large enough for him to gain that much speed. I have concluded that he is, in fact, a time traveller and that he comes from a time where bikes can reach that elusive speed of 88 mph without using bike chains. I'm assuming it involves a miniaturized flux capacitor.

3) You can learn a lot while wandering a city. And as many of you know, I love me some useless information. The other day, while walking near my apartment, I learned that in the late 1800s, it sucked to be deaf. Take a look:
Don't get too teary-eyed my friends! Things got better! Now, the Texas School for the Deaf is one of the largest such institutions in the nation. Parents ship their kids here from all over the great state of Texas and the rest of the country too! They have a huge campus with lots of buildings and sports fields and dormitories. It's almost like a miniature college campus. But for grades K-12. The campus stretches nearly a half mile wide and probably at least a mile long. And there's a fence all the way around. And to get in, you have to get past this:
That's right, a big ass gate, complete with gate house. These kids now get to live in a gated community! It's like the American Dream! 150 years ago they suffered under evil headmasters who worked their fingers to the bone while their tears of desperation left streaks in their soot covered faces. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, I'm taking a bit of artistic license here. But still, these kids practically live in an Orange County gated community! They're doing pretty well for themselves it seems.

4) Finally, I'll say this: Austin is a beautiful city.

Next time, I'll fill you in on being chased down the street by what appeared to be a very large and very enraged Anthidium florentinum.

Goodbye, Indiana. Hello, Texas.

First, let me apologize to everyone in advance - I've never had a blog before, nor have I kept a journal. So if this sucks, please let me know.



Saturday, August 6, 2011

I arrived at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (Airport Code AUS if you ever want to look for tickets) at 10:45 AM - just 15 minutes later than expected. I consider this a great accomplishment considering I had a layover at O'Hare. After claiming my baggage, I walked outside to find Steph and Alex had just pulled up to the curb. I threw my bags in the trunk and we were off.

The first thing I noticed about Austin was something I had expected. It was hot. Really hot. Not unbearable, as there is incredibly low humidity, but just hot. Like opening the oven and being hit in the face with the hot air. I personally like heat such as this, but I realize it's not for everyone. So if you don't like it hot, don't come visit until winter. We're currently in the middle of a record breaking 55ish days straight of 100+ temperatures.

From the airport, the three of us went to get lunch at El Alma's, a Tex-Mex restaurant around the corner from our apartment. The food was fantastic, as were the drinks. I tried a Bloody Maria for the very first time. When I saw it on the menu, I just assumed it was a Bloody Mary and that they called it Maria since we were so far south. Wrong. It's a Bloody Mary made with tequila instead of vodka. Now, normally I'm pretty picky about fucking around with vodka. It has a very special place in my heart. Between men with accents and sci-fi/fantasy books. I'm also not usually very fond of tequila. We have a love-hate relationship. I hate the first shot, then I do more, then I love life and everyone around me, then I start dancing, then events get hazy, then I wake up with a hangover that would make the pope curse the name of god. It's bad. Unsurprisingly, Texans know a thing or two about tequila and the drink was fantastic. I may have had two of them. Possibly three.

After lunch, we went to the apartment so I could change out of my traveling clothes. I was then informed to put on my swimming trunks as we would be going to a local pool to meet Kyle and AJ in a bit. Now, when I hear "pool" and it's over 100 outside, I think of chlorine, concrete, screaming children, and coconut-scented sunscreen. Wrong. This "pool" was 1000 feet long, had 65 degree water, was fed by a natural spring from the local aquifer, had a natural rock bottom, and plants and moss growing in and on it. Nature. In the fucking pool. If you know anything about me, you know that I am not fond of nature. In the least. Upon arrival, we staked out our turf on the surrounding hillside and put on sunscreen. Alex and I left Steph with our stuff to wait for Kyle and AJ while Alex and I headed for the "pool". We walked to the deep end, and jumped in. My feet hit plants and dirt. I physically shuddered and blamed it on the cold water. Alex jumped in too, and then we swam to the ladder, got out, and walked back toward Steph. The boys had arrived and we all walked down the ramp into the shallow end of the pool. Upon entering the water, my feet started sliding around because, hurray, there was this mossy slimy stuff growing on the bottom. I quickly slime-skated across it to the area that had a non-moss-covered rock bottom. We didn't stay in the water long as it is frickin' cold. We laid out for awhile to dry off before heading to get shaved ice.

The shaved ice hit the spot and cooled us off as we sat outside eating it. We got ran off a bit early though as the bees also love the shaved ice, or rather the syrup on the shaved ice. After a quick shower and a brief nap, we all met up for dinner at a place on the water. The food was fantastic (I had spicy thai grilled shrimp fajitas) and the drinks were refreshing (surprise! more tequila in the form of margaritas). If you come visit me, I'm probably going to take you to this restaurant.

At this point, I've had a full day and think we're going to go home so I can sleep since I didn't the night before and only napped on the planes and after swimming. If you know me, you know I need my sleep. It keeps me from being a bitch and letting small things get blown out of proportion. But no. Home was not next. And surprisingly, it was worth it.

We drove up to Mount Bonnell, the highest point in Austin, well the parking lot by Mount Bonnell. Then we climbed the stone steps to the top. I got winded, which just proved to me that I need to start getting into shape, but the view was absolutely worth it. I could see the entire downtown and skyline, as well as some pretty ritzy neighborhoods that I'll never make enough money to live in on the surrounding hills. We walked around for a bit before heading back down, getting in the car, and driving to one last place.

There is a residence near Mount Bonnell that has an ostentation (or a muster depending on who you ask) of peacocks that freely roam the grounds. We stopped by for a short visit and were rewarded with beautiful plummage and were treated to a little bit of the dulcet tones peacocks are so well-known for.

Finally, we made our way home. Even though it was only 9:30 PM at this point, and I usually refuse to go to bed while the sun is shining (unless of course it's because has gone down and come back up) and frown upon even considering sleep before midnight, I inflated the air mattress and slept. For 14 hours. Some people might consider that a long time to sleep, but not I.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

After waking up at a very respectable 11:15 AM, Steph, Alex, and I had some delicious hot tea and homemade buckwheat pancakes made by none other than Miss Stephanie herself. They were, of course, delicious and made me re-realize how much I love breakfast food. Though I usually refrain from eating it anywhere near breakfast time. If I'm even up that early, I am not a fan of eating before I've been awake for at least 45 minutes. And since I usually sleep as late as possible to not be late, there's no time to eat before I head off to do whatever it is that has torn me from my bed at such an inhumane hour. That leaves breakfast food to the post-bar hours of the night when I drunkenly declare that I must have food NOW!! At any rate, the pancakes rocked and the tea was amazing.

After getting cleaned up, Kyle and AJ picked us up and we trucked all the way out north on MoPac and 35 to Round Rock. I was instructed by a local to NEVER refer to any of the highways here by prefacing them with the word "the" despite how much I feel like I should. A PSA on Round Rock and the surrounding area: suburbs = SUCK. Thank you for tuning in.

The reason we ventured out of the cultural center and into the land of Cookie-Cutter homes, McMansions, and SUVs full of entitled snot-factories and the over-botoxed beasts that gave them life, was the same reason every apartment-dweller on a budget does: IKEA.

If you've never been to an IKEA, (and if you have you can skip over this paragraph) let me tell you about it. It's a big-ass blue building that looks like three 747s could park inside and still have room for a herd of elephants to live comfortably, despite the fact that they'd be in a big-ass warehouse and not out on the savannah doing elephanty things like remembering what happened on April 11, 1954 (which incidentally, nothing did happen that day - at all - seriously, I'll wait while you look it up) and snorting water up their nose and being afraid of mice. Anyway, once you enter IKEA, you see a giant map which shows the route you'll be taking through the store. Oh yeah, you don't just get to go where you want to go. Oh no. You get to walk a winding route through all of the different setups of all the different stuff they sell. I enjoyed it immensely, though there are a few people out there that I'm sure would find it more painful than a root canal sans those awesome drugs they give you at the dentist. Especially since the place was packed full of bargain shoppers out for their Sunday afternoon, post-church, pre-dinner, honey-let's-go-to-IKEA-I-need-some-new-linens-for-the-guest-room shopping trip. Mom, I'm looking at you here. You would have hated it after the novelty wore off in the first ten minutes.

Despite it all, I had a blast, saw lots of things I wouldn't mind having, spent only $14 (I bought a towel rod for the bathroom and a jar for quarters for laundry) and daydreamed of the dozens of ways I could decorate my non-existent bedroom in the apartment we don't have yet. In case you were wondering, and I know you were, I'm going to have a medium gray duvet. I'm still up in the air about the accent color. I'll keep you posted.

Dinner consisted of amazing Chinese food (Rachel, Jaclyn I know you were worried) at a place in a strip mall. I ordered one thing, got another, and ate every last bite of it. I was hungrier than an Olsen twin and pretty much ate an entire duck. I'm not kidding. And two egg rolls. And some rice. I had mega food baby afterward.

In keeping with the relaxing feel of the day, the evening was spent with Steph, Alex and I enjoying two bottles of red wine and some yummy cheeses on the balcony of our apartment.

I pretty much had the most fantastic first 48 hours in Austin a Midwestern Boy could ask for.

Stay tuned!! In my next post you'll hear how I get to explore the city and look for a job (aren't I just the most interesting person on the planet? I won't blame you if you never come back).

I leave you with this tidbit: I saw someone riding a bike with no chain connecting the pedals to the back wheel. Ponder that.